If you're already dreading the big dinner, it's not because you're bad at holidays. It's because the setup works against you.
For a lot of the people I work with, the holidays bring a specific kind of dread. If you've been "good" all week, it's a table full of the foods you've been avoiding. If nothing ever sounds good, it's the long table of dishes you don't want and the relative who asks why your plate looks like that. If ADHD shapes how you eat, it's the strange schedule: skipping lunch because dinner is at four, grazing for hours, then feeling out of control by evening. Either way, you've probably heard "just enjoy yourself" more than once. It hasn't helped.
Why this time of year is harder
Most of what keeps eating manageable during a normal week disappears in late November. Routines go out the window. Food is everywhere, or the food you can eat is nowhere. There's an audience. And there's often a story running in the background about how you should be able to handle this by now.
I'd question that story. When eating gets harder at the holidays, it's usually not because you lack willpower or maturity. It's because the supports that work for you have been removed, all at once, in front of people.
If you've been restricting, or nothing sounds good
Plan for at least one food you know you'll eat. Bring a dish you like, or eat beforehand so hunger isn't driving the whole day.
Decide your answer in advance. "I've got what I need, thanks" is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation of your eating.
Keep the goal small. The holidays aren't the time to overhaul how you eat. Getting through comfortably, and eating enough, is a reasonable goal.
If ADHD drives your eating
Eat earlier than you think you need to. Saving up for the big meal is one of the most reliable setups for eating past full later.
Watch the transitions. Long stretches with nothing to do, standing near the snack table, tend to be where grazing happens. Give yourself a job.
Skip the post-holiday restriction plan. Restricting in January to make up for December usually feeds the next cycle. Getting back to regular meals works better.
What I'd want you to know
If the holidays are hard every year, that's useful information, not a character flaw. It usually points to something worth understanding about why eating works the way it does for you. That's work I'm glad to do, in January or now.
I work with women whose eating feels chaotic, especially alongside ADHD: forgetting to eat, overeating and binge eating, and body image, by video. Read more about eating and body image therapy, or book a free 15-minute consultation if you're in Arizona.
